Excerpt
Here is an excerpt from my new favorite book: Dangerous Book for Dogs.
One of the most wonderful sounds in the world is that of a peanut butter jar being unscrewed. With a splendid mixture of stickiness, nutty flavor, and an aroma that lingers on your tongue for days, peanut butter might be the perfect food. But its deliciousness can be easily abused. Due to its unique viscosity, many owners will hide revolting medicine deep in the core of a peanut butter ball. How do you know if your peanut butter has a pill inside of it? Take this simple test. Is your owner giving you peanut butter? If the answer is yes, then the chances are good that there is a pill in it.
Pills come in a variety of flavors, including horrible, terrible, awful and repulsive [good example: my tummy tabs, which Mummi feeds me every morning]. Accidentally biting a pill hidden in the peanut butter will utterly ruin what should be one of the greatest gastronomic experiences you will ever have. Plucking out a pill is a delicate art that requires patience and great dexterity, but the effort is worth it.
Since the process of pill extraction is somewhat time consuming, do a quick sight test to see if your owner might simply be having a moment of weakness and is giving you "people food" for nonnefarious reasons. If it's around 2 a.m., your owner is wearing nothing but his underwear, and is staring vacantly into the refrigerator, you might be getting some pill-free PB.
The moment peanut butter is presented to you in a molded ball form, be careful. Research indicates an over 99.99 percent likelihood that spherically delivered peanut butter holds a nasty surprise. [diagram not shows here].
To remove a pill from peanut butter you will need:
One of the most wonderful sounds in the world is that of a peanut butter jar being unscrewed. With a splendid mixture of stickiness, nutty flavor, and an aroma that lingers on your tongue for days, peanut butter might be the perfect food. But its deliciousness can be easily abused. Due to its unique viscosity, many owners will hide revolting medicine deep in the core of a peanut butter ball. How do you know if your peanut butter has a pill inside of it? Take this simple test. Is your owner giving you peanut butter? If the answer is yes, then the chances are good that there is a pill in it.
Pills come in a variety of flavors, including horrible, terrible, awful and repulsive [good example: my tummy tabs, which Mummi feeds me every morning]. Accidentally biting a pill hidden in the peanut butter will utterly ruin what should be one of the greatest gastronomic experiences you will ever have. Plucking out a pill is a delicate art that requires patience and great dexterity, but the effort is worth it.
Since the process of pill extraction is somewhat time consuming, do a quick sight test to see if your owner might simply be having a moment of weakness and is giving you "people food" for nonnefarious reasons. If it's around 2 a.m., your owner is wearing nothing but his underwear, and is staring vacantly into the refrigerator, you might be getting some pill-free PB.
The moment peanut butter is presented to you in a molded ball form, be careful. Research indicates an over 99.99 percent likelihood that spherically delivered peanut butter holds a nasty surprise. [diagram not shows here].
To remove a pill from peanut butter you will need:
- a hard, clean surface
- an accessible potted plant
- water, preferably warm, definitely not from your water bowl.
posted by McBean at 9:53 AM
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